The Tenderness of Silence

I find myself cluttering every ounce of silence with noise lately. It was subconscious at first, but as the days grew longer and daylight absorbed into night faster and faster, I was met with the consciousness of chaos loud and clear. Of course by denying that truth and letting the noise dull on I continued to grow emptier and emptier. This noise is a welcomed distraction from pain and disappointment and the yearning to escape. Even sitting down to write, is an unwelcome confidant. Because sitting down to pen words to this paper on this day means sitting in the silence. It means facing the giants that grapple in my mind and attending to the lacerations that are deeper than I’d realized. They’re more than a bandaid and peroxide can take care of. These wounds will require stitches and time. 

Time I’m unwilling to give to pain I feel shouldn’t even be there. BUT that’s just the hurt talking. You see life is never without pain and disappointment. That is sign a you're alive - a sign that you’re really living. Pain means you were vulnerable!!!! It shows you gave…and we can all be proud of that! Doesn’t make it easier, doesn’t even make it worth it. It’s just a piece of data to tuck away in the life folder. It’s growing increasingly popular to use buzz words and phrases like be vulnerable, be brave, be authentic… BUT TRIBE, the depth that each of these words carry is far more earnest than a hashtag on social media or a title to a good read. These words are embodiments of HUMANITY & LIFE. 

As I’m writing this, I'm avoiding the desire to sob. I'm swallowing the rising tide of emotion that keeps trying to make its way to the top. Because I just want to get these words out. Yet, as I recall the many places I have experienced the words I am sharing I am overcome with emotion. The data in that dusty folder alive again and desiring to breathe. And this is where the throbbing takes place on the healing journey: in remembrance. I wish two Maximum Strength Liquid Advil’s could take this away. 

Alas... not noise, not Advil, not avoidance—just time and truth will heal these wounds. 

My friend David, penned it like this:

        “He offers a resting place for me in His luxurious love.

            His tracks take me to an oasis of peace, the quiet brook of bliss. 

                That’s where He restores and revives my life.”

So as I impatiently await the scarring to take place as a sign that the lacerations have healed, I will do my best to stay on the path of healing. I will allow the silence to wash over my wounds. 

Are there tender wounds or lacerations you need to attend to? I implore you, don’t let the noise drown out the silence that that healing brings. 

Thank you for reading. 

See you next Tuesday!