Happy Tuesday, Tribe!
I am thrilled to discuss one of my most favorite subjects out there: authenticity.
Authenticity is, without a doubt, one of the most important ingredients when it comes to having successful intimate relationships. Relationships are one of our most precious commodities so it is only fitting that we take the utmost care with them. We all have an innate desire to connect with the world around us in a truly authentic way and we cannot do that without giving ourselves permission to be who we are.
Over the years I have had those friends or acquaintances who were one way with a certain group of people, then an entirely different way with a different group. I remember even in high school how annoyed I would be with those people and, from a completely logistical point of view, that is exhausting and a very difficult feat to manage for a prolonged period of time. Knowingly or unknowingly, this ingredient of authenticity is something we look for in those around us. We especially long to see this trait in people who play leadership roles in our lives: our parents, our teachers, our politicians, our pastors, our coaches, our mentors, etc.
So let me ask you, Have you ever been in a conversation and you could feel something was just off? Or you walked away from a conversation going, "I won’t be talking with them again"? These are all things that can be pointing to a lack of authenticity.
There are many things I am not good at and authenticity is not one of them. This is a life value for me and I’m reminded year after year this is one of my life’s ingredients: it keeps that Carrie taste balanced. Not too sweet, not too salty, not too bitter, it's just right. Every year, we go around the table at birthday celebrations and say one thing we love about the birthday person. It’s an embarrassingly beautiful tradition! And, without fail, the authenticity I offer in my relationships is listed as a beloved trait year after year.
The gift of authenticity I freely give was fought for, through fear, bravery, shame, courage, loss and pain. This character trait was developed amidst moments of betrayal and moments where choosing to be who I was over who I was expected to be, came at a weighty price. But who I really am versus who I could pretend to be is no choice at all. I never want to attract people based on who I am trying to be -- that’s not my tribe. My tribe is filled with those who see me and witha respunding YES say, "I want to do life with her”. What more could you want?!
When was the first time you had to be or become someone to fit in?
For me, I can feel all the feels of that moment, where I was, what the auditorium smelled like, the temperature in the room, but more than anything else, I remember the weighty realization of "this is not who I am”. There is no amount of acceptance that can fill the void of being a counterfeit you.
Being authentic is about being YOU. Unashamedly you. It’s showing up to each space and moment and giving yourself. It’s not forced or manufactured. Authenticity comes from a place of peace from within oneself.
My hope for you today is that you see yourself as the gift you are and that you would come to know the stabilizing peace that comes from within and surrounds you daily as you offer yourself to this crazy amazing world.
Thank you for reading.
See you next Tuesday.
Here is an especially great note on authenticity from one of my faves: