Get Off The Judgement Seat
What a treasure it is to be known and accepted for who you are! Yet, as we’ve discussed before, there are a couple of ingredients that you must have in order to accomplish this: vulnerability and risk. You see, being willing to be vulnerable does not happen without risk. I, myself, am getting more prone to taking risks and I'm starting to like the outcomes more and more. It certainly doesn’t get less “scary”, I just keep jumping while facing my fears. And in this context of being known the greatest fear we all face is rejection. That’s one of the hardest things about letting people see who we are, it's the fear that they may not want that version of us. The no makeup, no filter, "this is me" version.
The truth is, if we are facing this fear then most certainly others are as well. So it begs the question, how do we/you/I create spaces for others to be known? We are very much dealing with an innate human need here.
In 1954, Abraham Maslow published the book Motivation and Personality, a book all about the needs of humanity. He created a pyramid hierarchy that shows all of our needs from physical, base needs at the bottom and spiritual needs at the top. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, when the basic needs like food water, warmth, and rest are taken care of, our next needs are safety and security. Then, right smack in the middle of the structure, the cream in the Oreo, the meat in the sub, are belonging and love, intimate relationships, and friends. These needs must be met before we can healthily move into our self-esteem or self-actualization. If these needs aren’t met then the structure is off-kilter and has the potential to crumble.
We must find ourselves a safe place in our tribes where we can be known and no longer have to hide. Because you have something incredible to offer the world and we want to see the full, real, authentic you show up.
So how do we create this space?
Well, here are a few tips from what I have learned through both trial and error:
1- Get off the judgment seat. Be willing to walk into each conversation with the intention of learning about the other person instead of trying to fix them.
2- Selflessness. It’s really not about you. Take time to build your empathetic muscle -- it will serve you well in the long run.
3- You lead the way. Vulnerability begets vulnerability. Unzip your chest and allow your tribe, your safe place, to see into your heart.
4- Keep your motives pure. As you enter into each conversation, ask yourself 'why do I want this information?' And if there is any other reason than to just be a listening ear in time of need then politely walk away.
You are the author of your story: write openly, honestly, and fearlessly.
Thank you for reading.
See you next Tuesday!